


I Used to Love Him Using Me

by lee_godhyuck



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, but everyone knows that, gyu and hao just want wonwoo to stop crying, jun makes wonwoo feel unlovable, they're businessmen here, uh jun's an asshole, wonwoo is love stricken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 08:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19352827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lee_godhyuck/pseuds/lee_godhyuck
Summary: Ain't it difficult to love someone who doesn't love you, at all.





	I Used to Love Him Using Me

**Author's Note:**

> i haven't written in so long and the first thing i want to write is destructive love lol

“This is a you-problem now, you knew the circumstances going into this relationship... If we can even call it that at this point. Wonwoo, you need to get out and actually love yourself.” Mingyu voiced with concern hiding the “we told you so,” tone. I could hear Minghao popping open the wine bottle for what was the 4th time, the sound of the beverage pouring into glass. The clunk and perfect continuous flow told me that Minghao was spinning the wine, I rolled my eyes. He claims its proper etiquette to serve wine that way, what difference does it make if I chug it straight or pour it in a snobby manner?

The scorching breeze hit me, and I sighed. Mingyu isn’t lying, I’m not exactly in the position to be complaining about my situation. I opened my mouth but Mingyu already guessed what I was going to say, “Don’t stand there and tell us that same ‘I thought I could change him’ bullshit.” From my peripheral I saw Minghao come join me at the edge of the villa’s balcony. My other friend just snorted at me, “Won, you didn’t even trust my own word and now you wanna somehow pin this on us? It’s not our fault Jun treats you like shit. I told you that he of all people doesn’t settle for love, he’s a businessman.” I turned to face my lover’s best friend, his bangs covering a majority of his eyes but I could still see the disappointment behind the bit of exposed tired look. I placed an angry grip on the railing, my expression probably looked worst since the sun was now beaming straight into my view of vision. “And what? Aren’t we all businessmen? We all had and have time for love, Jun just hasn’t found his time.” Excuses.

“Jun had the time when we were teens, he’s been the same forever. He won’t come around and you’re going to keep standing by his side telling yourself lies just to feel something.” Minghao sneered, “You’re lucky Jun isn’t some fucking scrub. If anything, you’re the scrub in this relationship. What have you done career wise? Wonwoo it’s been months since you’ve been removed from your position as vice, courtesy of who else than Wen Junhui.” Minghao’s voice rose. My grip hardens and I don’t realize the deepness of the breath I was holding in my chest; they were right so why am I angry. “Have you noticed the company’s rise in stocks? We haven’t prospered this much when I was vice, perhaps Jun made the right decision.” More excuses, I knew why Jun demoted me.

“ _You’re insignificant and a drag. I don’t have time to waste with a crew who clearly aren’t after the same goal as me. Go home Wonwoo, I’ll figure out where to put you eventually._ ” Naturally, I was devastated at the time but when you’re head over heels for someone, you just follow them as a way to keep them. I did go home that day, to our shared penthouse, empty shared space really. You would have never known a couple lived there; it was mainly just the furniture. No pictures of us, friends or family, strictly business related. I was also foolish enough to believe Jun bought us separate villas as a token of his non-existent love. So, here I stand looking onto the beach with Mingyu and Minghao intervening as usual.

“Wonwoo, why do you keep trying? You know Jun isn’t keeping you around because he loves you...” Mingyu trailed off from behind, I felt my best friends' eyes bore into my back. Shutting my eyes in a tight scowl to repress the sadness and tears threatening to race down my cheeks. Anyone can tell that Junhui kept me because I was pretty. Junhui needed to have the idealized CEO lifestyle, so he got it. His most prized plaything, Jun has never been interested in love because it could hold him back, but he did need someone pretty to thrust his stress into. A pretty face to make other CEO’s jealous and marvel, so that he could look beyond successful at business parties. I hated whenever New Year's arrived, “Look Jeon, I know I invite you yearly to join me as my plus one to these events but as usual I must remind you to not get your hopes up. You’re helping me not the other way around. I assume you still remember your rules.” Of course, no displaying of affection, don’t stare at him for longer than needed, never engage in a private conversation with the other attendees and don’t show your love.

Every time I think about Jun, it’s never of Jun... But Wen Junhui, the cruel but successful CEO, [and most handsome man alive]. There was once a time where Jun wasn’t such a robot with me. When we never knew each other. I still remember Minghao and Junhui suddenly attending university alongside Mingyu and I in the business program. The pair always looked worlds ahead but Jun had this glow to him that I took note of quickly. Soon enough, we became friends and I realized how much I was attracted to the Chinese man. Jun took advantage of my feelings for him since then, always coercing me into helping him succeed. Then again, did he ever need my help? The boy was bound to inherit his family's company with Minghao close by. Mingyu and I just wanted be businessmen and call it a day, but Junhui was never satisfied and went beyond each time.

Part of me always knew Jun didn’t ever love me, but that didn’t stop the hurt I felt emotionally and mentally when it was spoken out loud. A quiet day in our dorms, almost a year of our relationship, “ _Wonwoo, I do hope you know I don’t actually love you, but for your sake I’ll stay_.” I hated it, hated it. How could he have gone back to his studying so normally as if he didn’t just break my heart. I only remembering gulping and mustering out a, “ _Yeah I know, but I’ll always be your side Jun._ ” He had the audacity to not acknowledge that statement with a simple “hm.”

“Wonwoo. Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo.” Mingyu was now waving his hand frantically in front of me while Minghao looked onwards with displeasure and sadness. I jolted slightly, shaking my head and looked at Gyu, “Why can’t I leave him, Gyu... Why.. Why do I keep staying just to get hurt?” I whispered. The sun was gone but the waves were still wildly crashing against rocks. I just let my whimpers come to life and they sure were loud. Full on sobbing into my hands. My friends couldn’t offer me anymore comfort, it’s just as Mingyu said, this is my problem now. Hao told me from the start that Junhui did not believe in love and would never take part in it. I told him I would change Junhui’s mind but how wrong was I?

The worst part of this all? Jun has other people he likes to visit when he’s stressed or sick of seeing me. What fool tells their lover, “ _Oh, I understand. It’s okay, if you need someone else to fuck then go on, I’ll have today’s work wrapped up by the time your back. See you later Jun._ ” I destroyed my self-worth by doing everything just to keep Jun’s empty body beside me at night. How many nights have I laid on our shared bed without the other beside me? Too many. Now, we live in different houses because Jun rather be able to bring his other whores to his own room and not have me listen in anymore. “ _It’s weird for the three of us Wonwoo, or more of us, depends what mood I’m in. I think I’m gonna have to buy us different houses, but hey at least you can decorate it the way you want to now._ ” I just smiled and tried to avoid looking at the woman, man, person, people that would walk in and out of our old place.

“Because you keep letting him. Wonu, you let Jun get away with everything because you’re insecure. Leave this relationship permanently because you know Jun won’t care if you disappear, hell, he probably wouldn’t notice you were gone. You’ve sacrificed everything for Jun’s love for what? Nothing. This villa is paid off, your resume is spectacular and you can probably land being Vice somewhere else. You can love some else Wonwoo, someone who actually loves you. Someone who doesn’t see you as some personal sex toy that they can discard. You deserve a chance at proper love. Everyone thought you and Jun would have called it quits after hooking up a couple of times in uni, but look at you. Jun called it quits from the start and you still haven’t. Leave Wonwoo, I’d say get out of this damn country even.” Minghao sternly suggested.

No response came from me, a couple of more hours passed and they both left. To their loving families, loving partners, love.

All I did the rest of the night was sit listening to the ocean. My suit all disheveled likewise to my hair, my frames on my face but they did nothing to conceal the puffiness of post crying eyes. Cans and bottles of alcohol surrounding my feet. The can in my hand fell with a harsh clunk against the concrete. I lazily got my phone out, the device told me it was 11:43 PM and I only thought about Jun.

Where was he? At home? Work? Someone else’s home? Their bed?

Wen Junhui is a shit lover because he doesn’t love. It took me 11 years of utter bullshit to realize that I don’t love him. Haven’t loved him for a while. That I was just desperately hanging onto a thread of hope.

Wen Junhui only used me for his own benefit, he stole my heart for his own selfish needs.

Jun pumped himself into me for his own pleasure. He’s probably using someone else for that exact purpose right now.

Jun pretended to love me because he wanted to see me suffer.

Jun never loved me and will never love anything in his life. That’s fine because I’m out.

So, I took it upon myself to take Minghao’s advice of leaving this country, maybe forever because I don’t think I can risk ever looking at Jun again, to have him steal me back. I used my phone to book a plane ticket and started to pack everything.

It was 1:02 AM, when I was finished.

It was 1:03 AM, when I left voice mails into Mingyu’s and Minghao’s phones.

It was 1:07 AM, when I decided to text Jun:

_Hey Junhui, My house is gonna be empty for a while, if you really care ask Mingyu or Hao where I’m at. Oh and... don’t bother worrying about me loving you anymore._

It was 4:17 AM, when I got a text back that read:

_Ok._

It was 5:54 AM when the plane took off.

It was our 12th anniversary when I left.


End file.
